{"id":1049,"date":"2015-06-11T08:57:01","date_gmt":"2015-06-11T13:57:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/culturated.com\/?p=1049"},"modified":"2015-06-11T09:44:15","modified_gmt":"2015-06-11T14:44:15","slug":"still-single-let-dan-ariely-help-fix-your-dating-strategy-and-love-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/culturated.com\/still-single-let-dan-ariely-help-fix-your-dating-strategy-and-love-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Still Single? Let Dan Ariely Help Fix Your Dating Strategy and Love Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

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When the email arrived in my in-box, it was a no-brainer: Did I want to join Dan Ariely<\/a>, the Predictably Irrational <\/a><\/em>guru, for a salon-style evening of pizza and pontification on \u201cThe Science of Seduction?\u201d in hopes of becoming a better dater?<\/p>\n

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Heck yeah!<\/p>\n

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Professor Ariely, a psychologist and behavioral economist at Duke University<\/a>, has won fame and fortune debunking the myth that we act rationally about both the small and significant decisions that we make.<\/p>\n

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And what could be more irrational than romance? Despite myriad dating relationships, many of us are hard-pressed to describe why we\u2019re having difficulty connecting and closing the deal on a romantic partnership. Instead, we continue to pursue a seemingly fruitless course for \u201cthe one,\u201d getting increasingly discouraged that we\u2019re still no closer to achieving our aim despite years of practice.<\/p>\n

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Could social science provide the clues to finding true love? The \u201cScience of Seduction\u201d write-up was full of tantalizing promises, stating that Ariely would answer such burning questions as: \u201cDo opposites attract?\u201d \u201cHow much do we really want to know about potential partners?\u201d and the perennial crowd-pleaser \u201cWhat is love?\u201d \u2014 a question that has bedeviled humans from the time of the ancients to the iTunes era of Howard Jones, Haddaway, and Lea Michele, among others.<\/p>\n

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\"Dan<\/a>

Dan Ariely holds forth on why online dating isn’t always the answer to romantic woes.<\/p><\/div>\n

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Wired for the Science of Seduction<\/strong><\/h2>\n

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I arrived early to claim my seat and was quickly joined by an array of singles and couples, including several of Ariely\u2019s cheerful graduate students. Ariely, clad informally in a polo shirt and jeans, manned a mike just a few feet away from participants. He exuded surprisingly good chi given the fact that seven hours of flight delays landed him back in Durham, North Carolina, just that morning with a serious red-eye hangover.<\/p>\n

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\"Dan<\/a>

With dating, good looks still rule. Attractive men and women seek mates who are also genetically blessed.<\/p><\/div>\n

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Sticking It to You: Looks Do Matter<\/strong><\/h2>\n

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Proving that life lessons are the best teacher, Ariely opened with a simple exercise to demonstrate the power of assortative mating. Helpers fanned out and placed a sticky on the head of each participant. Our task was simple: Find someone of either gender whose number was either one greater or one less than the one emblazoned on our foreheads, without cheating.<\/p>\n

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I had a leg up on this task, as the teaching assistants hadn\u2019t bothered to randomize the numbers. By virtue of studying the numbers dotting the foreheads of those opposite me, I knew my place in the pecking order: a solid seven. After being rejected by a 10, I got lucky and paired up with a thin blond earringed hipster who was an eight. In evolutionary terms, I was moving on up.<\/p>\n

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The ones in our group were not so lucky. \u201cLots of broken eye contact. Lots of rejection,\u201d they moaned, and most were forced to settle for fellow ones. This exercise demonstrated what all of us have experienced in real life: The football jock typically goes for the blond and bubbly cheerleader with the perfect curves, rather than the teenage goth with the bad attitude and skin to match.<\/p>\n

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\"Dan<\/a>

Irrationally Yours: On Missing Socks, Pickup Lines, and Other Existential Puzzles<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Dan<\/a>

The Honest Truth About Dishonesty: How We Lie to Everyone–Especially Ourselves<\/p><\/div>\n

\"Dan<\/a>

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions<\/p><\/div>\n

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Rejected Online? Try Face-to-Face<\/strong><\/h2>\n

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So what about online dating? With a wealth of online platforms \u2013 Match.com, eHarmony, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish (now POF.com\u2122) Tinder, GrindR, and JDate, to name but a few \u2013 love should now just be a numbers game. Process enough people, and you\u2019re sure to find a match. Those of us who don\u2019t inspire instant proclamations of love or at least wolf whistles from strangers should have better luck online, right?<\/p>\n

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\"Dan<\/a>

What’s your number? At the Science of Seduction, participants were randomly assigned an attractiveness quotient and told to find a similar “mate.”<\/p><\/div>\n

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Princess Barbie, Meet Dreamboat Ken\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n

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Unfortunately, a larger dating pool translates to even tighter standards. Men judge women by their beauty and BMI (body mass index), opting for women ranging from 16 (\u201cslightly anorexic,\u201d said Dr. Ariely) to 19. Meanwhile, women value income and height, cruelly disfavoring shorties. In fact, to date men who are 5\u20199\u201d rather than their preferred minimum of 5\u201910\u201d, women say they want the men to make an extra $40,000 a year. That\u2019s almost as much as the average American\u2019s salary.<\/p>\n

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When confronted with two profiles \u2013 one general and one specific \u2013 both men and women favor the candidate with vague interests and hobbies. It\u2019s easier to imagine someone who likes movies and the outdoors as your ideal match than a Big Lebowski aficionado who does Tough Mudders. But the problem is that when online daters meet generalists in person, there typically isn\u2019t a true connection. \u201cPeople get devastated,\u201d said Dr. Ariely. \u201cThey fill in the gaps and have high expectations and thus get disappointed more,\u201d when it doesn\u2019t work out with their intended.<\/p>\n

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