Our Rating


According to Kalique Abrasax (Tuppence Middleton), one of the three royal heirs to the most powerful dynasty in the galaxy, time —not oil, water or some sparkly mineral— is the most precious commodity in our solar system. Ironically, time happens to be the one thing working against Jupiter Ascending’s once-adored directors, the Wachowskis, these days.


Fifteen years ago, the siblings rewrote the book on sci-fi cinema when Neo first donned a leather jacket and swallowed a pill. But in nearly every instance since The Matrix (The Matrix Revolutions, Speed Racer, Cloud Atlas), the duo has failed to recreate much in the way of movie magic. Tick, tick, tick… Oh, that’s just the sound of their fans’ growing impatience.



In this latest jumbled attempt to keep up with the Christopher Nolans and Joss Whedons of the world, they introduce us to Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), the daughter of poor Russian immigrants, who’s relegated to a life of waking up at 4:45 a.m. to clean rich people’s toilets. Can’t you just smell the Cinderella-ish plotline from a planet away?


But Jupiter’s mundane existence changes when creepy lil’ aliens hired by the whispery Balem Abrasax (Eddie Redmayne) attempt to kill her one day, when she sneaks off to sell her eggs under a false name in order to buy a telescope in memory of her slain father. No, seriously… the story is just that convoluted.


At the same time, Titus Abrasax (Douglas Booth) hires genetically-engineered bounty hunter Caine (Channing Tatum) to capture Jupiter for his own selfish reasons.




All the fuss over the lowly housekeeper is a result of her having a genetic sequence that perfectly matches the late matriarch of the Abrasax empire, making Jupiter the rightful heir to Earth. You might call this phenomenon “reincarnation.” But the Wachowskis call it a “recurrence.”


Sadly, that’s pretty much all you’ll be able to decipher about the plot in one screening. The Wachowskis simply don’t take the time to explain much else. So you’ll have to save logical questions like, “Why did they wait so long to find Jupiter?” or “How can people breath without suits sometimes, but not others?” None of that really matters anyway.


You’re simply supposed to be awed by Caine’s slick flying boots and his slow-motion fight sequences with talking dragons. And truthfully, the visuals are a very pretty distraction sometimes. But after 15 minutes of high-speed spaceship chases over Chicago’s city skyline, you still can’t help looking down at your watch, remembering that time is a fairly precious commodity in our world as well…  –DeMarco Williams


GENRE: Action & Adventure , Science Fiction & Fantasy

DIRECTED BY:  Andy and Lana Wachowski

WRITTEN BY: Andy and Lana Wachowski

MAIN CAST: Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne

STUDIO: Warner Bros. Pictures


  • Erick says:

    Oh I’ve got about 1500 words to add to this. lol. Off the top, this story should have been stretched over 2-3 movies. Stop pandering to the 15 second attention span crowd. You can’t be the Avengers with an original script because you don’t have that built in audience that will consume whatever you throw at them. Granted, the story is simple on it’s face but there is some room for expansion. When they did “explain” things it comes off as forced and long winded. Not to mention oddly paced. For example, the conflict between the three Abrasax children isn’t fleshed out in anyway. We’re given a three minute scene with all three which seems too convenient and shallow for anyone to remember or care about.

    Kalique was the only redeeming one and we barely see her. She basically saves Jupiter and worships her. Teaches her what exactly is happening and poof. She’s gone from the entire movie with no explanation. From her screen time you can assume her motives are positive yet we have no time with her to figure it out. Balem does nothing but sulk and scream……literally. The entire movie he’s whispering then screaming. Poor Eddie. And Titus is a set dressing. It’s quite impressive he convinced Jupiter to marry him in less than 20 minutes after kidnapping her.

    Such wasted talent from top to bottom. Quick breakdown of the major players. Tatum plays Channing Tatum. A handsome shirtless guy that doesn’t say much. Mila Kunis plays a gullible dreamer who wouldn’t survive grade school let alone a galactic battle. Caine “saves” her from one Abrasax, then the next, then the next. And each time she ends up needing saving because she does something stupid. Because we can’t have a movie where the lead female character is actually capable in anyway.

    For all of their shortcomings these days as story tellers the Wachowskis can shoot a beautiful film. Although one thing bugged me. Their angles of Kunis. No idea why this bothered me sooooo much but every few minutes she’s on screen they cut to a weird angle that makes her eyes look crooked and unflattering. The space scenes are pretty cool but the 3D their pushing was worthless.

    As long as this movie has been in the can I can’t believe the Wachowskis delivered such a shallow film. I’m starting to forget why The Matrix trilogy was so enjoyable. Maybe they should stop now before everyone else does as well.

  • Interesting. On a recent flight back from the USA they had The Matrix trilogy on offer. I enjoyed rewatching the first one, but only made it halfway through the second movie before I gave up. I think we can officially call The Matrix a ‘one hit wonder’ by the Wachowskis. I have seen the preview for their new movie and I don’t plan to rush out to see it…

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